International Woman's Day - Can We Have it All?

Apparently today is International Woman’s Day.  Honestly, this is the first I have heard of this day, who would have thunk?  Ironically, I found myself reading a series of articles debating about whether or not women can really have it all?  Be able to balance a family and a career?  Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook and Anne-Marie Slaughter who previously held a senior position in the State Department published pieces on this topic (Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead and Why Women Still Can’t Have it All) with very conflicting opinions.   Sandberg, who has created a very family friendly work environment at Facebook says there are ways to juggle both.  As opposed to Slaughter who stepped down from her position to raise her kids.  I haven’t read either in their entirety but based on the articles I read that compared the two, I can’t believe they are even being compared.  Sure, if you work for Facebook and have a flexible schedule that allows you to work around your families schedules and probably work from home, etc., you should agree you can juggle both.  If you were literally living in Washington DC M-F and commuting home to be with your kids only on the weekends, then absolutely that is impossible!  If you ask me the shitty thing about the whole work/life balance thing is mothers really don’t have a choice.  Their employers dictate whether or not they can have the flexibility needed to be there for their family.  Someone else gets to decide whether or not you can have a flexible enough schedule to pick up your kids from school, telecommute or work part time.  You can pitch it any way you want but if there are policies in place or your Supervisor has a different opinion you are screwed.  Look at the people who work for Yahoo who may have taken the job because they had the ability to work from home only to be told they have to be in the office 5 days a week.

Yes, I am a working mom who is constantly trying to find work/life balance.  Is this my choice?  No.  Did I try and ask for more flexibility?  Absolutely. Unfortunately, I was told I had to be in the office 5 days a week.  There is not a day that goes by that I am not conflicted about what I am doing.  I am sad to leave my house every morning and the more I do it, it is still just as hard.  My favorite time of the day is when we are finally home together and I get to put on my sweat pants.  Unfortunately, I only get to cherish this moment for a few hours a day until we go to bed and do it all over again as I fly out the door at 7:30a the next morning.  5 DAYS A WEEK.  I live for the weekends, I start thinking about the next one Sunday night.   One of the articles I read actually spoke to this conflict stating there is such thing as mommy brain!  Not in the forgetful way, but in the I am so torn up inside trying to balance work and family way.

The Mommy Brain is a very real phenomenon, says Brizendrine, a neuropsychiatrist, who didn’t expect to want to stay “glued” to her child. A woman’s brain, she says, becomes “structurally, functionally and in many ways irreversibly” altered by motherhood. “In modern society,” Brizendrine warns, “where women are responsible not only for giving birth to children but working outside the home to support them economically, these changes in the brain create the most profound conflict of a mother’s life.”

So who is right Sandberg or Slaughter?  Both.  It all depends on what company a mother (and father) work for and how accommodating their bosses are.  So for all of you who are in the position of power to make decisions on how flexible your work environments are going to be, remember, you are dictating the family lives of everyone that works for you.  Your decisions don’t just affect your bottom line, but the lives of the children of the employees who work for you.  Please do not take those decisions lightly.